A Very Lucky Girl

"The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, thats guaranteed, and I can't begin to explain that, or the craziness inside myself and everybody else but guess what? Sunday is my favorite day again. I think of everything everyone did for me and I feel like a very lucky guy." ~ Silver Linings Playbook

So here I am sitting in a hotel in Chicago, on a Sunday...and I'm thinking of everything everyone did for me and feeling like a very lucky girl.  

No but seriously.

Tomorrow, I will be walking into a room of people who are there to judge me and basically determine my future. They have time to watch me perform monologues and they have an accompanist to play music for me to sing to.  They have a list of shows I've been in, roles I've played, and songs I've sung.  But they don't have my experiences.

I think that's what I'm trying to really get at in this post; the profound gratitude that I have for everyone that has helped me get to this point in my life.  Although it's safe to say that I have no idea what's going to happen, or where I'll end up, I can say with great certainty that I wouldn't be in this position without the multitudes of amazing people that I have been blessed to know in my life.  From relationships on the stage, to the amazing support that I've received from family and friends, I know I wouldn't be half the person I am today if I hadn't had these experiences.  

SO...

Thank you to the amazing directors that I have worked with; who have pushed, guided, challenged, loved, and encouraged me.  Without your opportunities and encouragement, I would never have grown as an actor or person.  
Thank you to the casts and crews of all 18 shows that I have been apart of.  You have all affected me in innumerable ways, and for that I am infinitely grateful.  Working with some of the most talented minds and compassionate hearts has truly changed my life.  Each production has supplied its own contribution, and each person involved has played a leading role.  So thank you all, for your love of art and constant inspiration.  
Thank you to anyone who has ever doubted me.  It seems cynical, but without your choice to challenge me, I wouldn't always feel the need to work as hard as I have.  And without that drive, I wouldn't be who I am presently, and I have you to thank for that.  
And finally, thanks to my family.  From putting up with the toddler that couldn't stop talking, singing, and performing, to supporting the teenager with countless shows to attend, I know that it has been your love and support that has truly brought me this far.  You never let the doubts of others deter your faith in me, and I love you so much for that.

It's safe to say that with all of these amazing people in my life, and the unforgettable experiences both on and off the stage, I wouldn't be able to walk into that room tomorrow and put myself on the line.  But because of each and every one of you, I can.
So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

~ A very lucky girl

I promise I'm not a major public ranter-er...

But this post is a moderately emotional rant.
There.
I have warned you, my intention is clear, and you can either proceed with caution or vacate my blog.


Yesterday my parents drove my sister and I out to Fort Snelling National Cemetery to view my grandma's resting place for the first time since this January; and as we drove through the usual rows and rows of headstones, I felt my heart growing heavier and heavier.  As we filled our flower holders with water, and walked the grassy expanse towards the graves I have visited since the second grade, I felt my composure begin to break.  And when I saw the tiny sprigs of grass beginning to grow over the hole where my dearest relative is now buried, I began to sob.
 It is incomprehensible for me to understand how I have been visiting this place for 9 years now, to lay flowers at the resting places of those I either remember fleetingly, in childhood memories and rationalizations, or one that I consider to be one of my best friends.
It is incomprehensible for me to explain to people how broken I feel out there, standing over the fresh earth that covers my grandma and brushing the stony placards that serve as fleeting reminders to my grandfathers.
It is, therefore, incomprehensible to me how people can turn and look at me and say,
"God, I wish they didn't even come to my shows, they are so embarrassing!"
or,
"I hate having to talk to my grandparents, it's so awkward!"
You have no idea how much I envy you.


I would give ANYTHING to have my grandparents back; to be able to talk to my grandfathers, ask if they are proud of the woman I'm becoming or if they've been able to see me perform; or to just have my grandma hold me and tell me that she forgives me for not singing for her as much as she asked, but how grateful she is that I sang for her at her service. I can only hope that I am making them proud, as I kneel and pray that they stay with me each evening as I fall asleep.  I would give anything for even a moment with them.  


And yet, there you are, expecting me to laugh alongside you, and look with disappointment at people who love you more than you will ever know.  No, I don't know your family's circumstances; no, I don't know how close you are; and no, I don't pretend to be the perfect person.  But every time you scorn these people it makes me sick.


I don't pretend to have all the answers, and I'm not saying I was the perfect grandchild either.  But take it from a girl who has had death in her life since elementary school, you will regret every one of those instances as soon as you get that phone call.  Don't wait until Memorial Day to appreciate those people in your life.  Don't pass up those trips to visit, don't forgo the opportunity to sit by them at dinner, and don't ever forget to tell them that you love them.  Because one day you will wake up, whether it be when you are in high school or as an adult, and you will find them gone.  And you will remain, with only the millions of things you wish that you could have done or said.

O Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side.

The summer's gone and all the roses falling;

It's you, it's you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow,

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow.

Yes, I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow;

Oh Danny Boy, oh Danny Boy, I love you so!

But when ye come, and all the flow'rs are dying,

If I am dead, as dead I well may be.

Ye'll come and find the place where I am lying,

And kneel and say an Ave there for me.

And I shall hear, though soft you tread above me;

And oh my grave will warmer, sweeter be,

For you will bend and tell me that you love me;

And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me!

I love you Grandpa Cyril, Grandpa Myles, and Grandma Helen.  I know that we will meet again, and I want you to know that you are always in my heart.

My Mentality: In Snapshots

Because a picture's worth a thousand words, right?

Anyway, things that are on my mind lately in photographic format

Call me...

Call me "emotional..."
But I'd rather feel.  I love love.  I love realizing how grateful I am for the people in my life, or the music I sing, or the moments that occur on the stage.  I would rather love with passion and end up with a broken heart, than feel regular or empty forever.  Sure, there's a price for everything, but I would never sacrifice my ability to love for anything.

Call me "liberal..."
But I prefer open-minded.  I believe every political or religious belief has its own accuracy.  How can I judge someone based on a faith I know next to nothing about? More than impossible, it's simply wrong.  If people could just take the time to sit down and listen to each other with a moderate level of respect, our society would be in a whole heck of a lot better shape.

Call me "hopeless romantic..."
But I don't think there's anything wrong with having aspirations.  I'm not saying I would expect crazy signs of affection 24-7 (creepy) but what's the problem with expecting to be treated right?  And I'm also not saying that it shouldn't be reciprocal.  Relationships require give and take, and saying that only boys should go the extra step is wrong.  This is not the 1950s people, we can ALL share love and caring with any and everyone.

Call me "dreamer..."
But if I didn't have goals, (however unrealistic mine are) I'd be going nowhere.  Having dreams inspires you to work for the future, or even that next audition.  And where would be as society, if people didn't allow themselves to have aspirations and hopes?? Great minds, artists, and leaders would never have made the impact that they did.  Our society would be bland, simple, and utterly lacking.  The world needs dreamers and I'm proud to be one.

Call me "artistic..."
But I beg to differ.  I'm still drawing stick figures! But in reality, I understand why people consider me to be artsy.  I spend a minimum of 3 hours a day either rehearsing for a show, practicing music, or both!  I love what I do.  There's nothing better than the first moment the stage lights hit your skin or when you hit "that note" during your piece.  Everyone should pursue their passion, and mine happens to involve the arts.  Calling me artistic would certainly be accurate, but it's definitely not something I'm ashamed of, nor does it entirely describe me either.

Call me Bridget.


Love.

Pathetic Ramblings

Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 
~When Harry Met Sally


Allie: Do you think our love, can take us away together?
Duke: I think our love can do anything we want it to.
Allie: I love you.
Duke: I love you, Allie.
Allie: Good night.
Duke: Good night. I'll be seeing you. 
~The Notebook


Kathy Selden: Now look, Miss Lamont, Don and I...
Lina Lamont: Don? Don't you *dare* call him Don! I was calling him Don before you were born! I mean... You-you were kissing him!
Don Lockwood: *I* was kissing *her*! I happen to be in love with her. 
~Singin' in the Rain


Tony: You're not thinking I'm someone else?
Maria: I know you are not.
Tony: Or that we've met before?
Maria: I know we have not.
Tony: I felt, I knew something never before was going to happen, had to happen. But this is so much more.
Maria: My hands are cold.
[he takes them in his]
Maria: Yours too.
[he moves them to his face]
Maria: So warm.
[she moves his to hers]
Tony: So beautiful.
Maria: Beautiful.
Tony: It's so much to believe. You're not making a joke?
Maria: I have not yet learned how to joke that way. I think now I never will. 
~West Side Story


Mary: [embracing George] Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for.
George Bailey: [softly] You're wonderful... wonderful. 
~It's A Wonderful Life


Can this happen in my life?

My Life Begins in T-Minus 2 Days

About 48 hours. Those 48 long and exhausting hours are the only things keeping me from the greatest week of my life. 

I could punch them.

But seriously, this is McNiff family "crunch-time." I'm supposed to be packed by tonight (..riiiight.) and helping shop, cook,  and clean our house before our departure Wednesday morning. As usual, we have managed to put off these tedious chores until the last minute, and its all we can do to keep my mom from slapping the PANIC button every couple minutes.

But it will be worth it.

Every time I find myself scrubbing out a toilet or discover my arms are elbow-deep in dishwater, I remember : Popple House, Temperance River, Blue Water Cafe, The Ben Franklin, Artist's Point.

When my head hurts from the odiferous fumes of disinfectant or when I'm completely buried under an avalanche of laundy I remind myself of :

The Angry Trout, Sven and Ole's, The General Store, Oberg Mountain.

There is absolutely positively no place that I love more than up north.

True, it's not always perfect : Sharing a bed with your sister for more than a week, Going on ridiculously long and arduous hikes, Being LIED to by the demon of a book Nina's North Shore Guide, or getting lost in Canada, but somehow I look back on even the worst of those memories and find some tiny piece of it that was enjoyable.

I couldn't explain it to you, but its the most magical place on earth. 

And I will be on my way there in less than 48 hours.

In the meantime? Pray for me.

:)

HERE IT IS!!!
Yes, I know this is remarkably late, but on the bright side, some of these activities have been completed!!
Lemme know if you want to be apart of/take part in, any of my list activities!!

Summer ‘11
To Do List

~ Ice Cream Slide
~ Zoo (x2...or more)
~ Unplanned Road Trip (s)
~ Buy a Pet
~ Watch Sunrise on Beach
~ Drive-in Movie
~ Skinny-dipping
~ Awkwardly Early Breakfast at Perkins
~ Build Indoor Tent and Sleep in it!
~ Leave Presents on People’s Doorsteps (Summer Santa?)
~ Midnight Premiere of HP 7
~ Make Sidewalk Chalk Mural..I'd accept just plain old chalk drawings
~ Watch a Scary Movie
~ Time Capsule
~ Take Pictures in Photo Booth
~ Have a Pillow Fight where feathers ACTUALLY fly out
~ Make and Eat Phineas and Ferb Mac n’ Cheese
~ Run through Different Sprinklers
~ Cover Something in Sticky Notes
~ Travel Scavenger Hunt
~ State Fair DAY with Mari and Allison then BTR
~ Say YES Al l Day
~ Princess Diaries Paint Splatter
~ Say BYE BYE to meat!
~ Thrift Store Shopping
~ Find Summer Song
~ Disney Movie Marathon

It's My Childhood Knocking

Hey everybody!!! In honor of summer and some of the greatest movies ever, I decided to throw together a little posteroo of Disney stuff that I love!

THE CLASSIC LINE:

"Have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through"

I found this on Tumblr, and it started my idea! Holllaaaa Rafiki.

Now, I seriously am not a fan of Pinocchio, but to be fair I'll throw it a bone

"Always let your conscience be your guide"   (See it's not even getting a picture) :)

"So whenever you feel alone just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you and so will I."

<3 O'Rourke and McNiff

GREATEST GIRL POWER MOVIE

But I really loved the relationship between Mulan and her dad,

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."

Preach it, Potts.

Another movie I'm not so fond of, but is a definite classic, Alice in Wonderland

  "Nothing's impossible."  (Sums up THAT movie)     

"What do you do when things go wrong? Oh! You sing a song!"  (SOML)

AHHH DOUBLE QUOTE-AGE! 

Now does anybody around here remember Timothy Mouse? From Dumbo? (another of my meh-movies)

Well, here he is being a spaz.

 "They say if you dream a thing more than once, it's sure to come true." 

One of the greatest Disney songs:

"You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you. But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll learn things you never knew, you never knew." ~Pocahontas

WELL THERE YA GO!

I hope you are inspired to go watch some of these amazing movies and let your inner kid loose.

Please comment/post some of your favorite as well, cause there's a million of them out there!

Happy Sum-Sum. :)

PS Thank you Tumblr.

8 Years

A lot can happen in 8 years.

I lost all my baby teeth and embarked on the EVER attractive braces phase.
I quit the sport I thought I'd be a part of until my senior year and beyond.
I got my appendix removed.
I survived middle school and made it to the big ole high school.
I got my ears pierced.
I learned how to braid my hair...okay scratch that. Still haven't quite figured that one out.

A lot can happen in 8 years.
But unfortunately, my grandpa wasn't here for any of it.

8 years ago on May 24th Cyril O'Rourke, my crow-crying, pillow monster, musician grandpa passed away at home. I remember I'd been at the zoo all day, and had come home to watch The Master of Disguise, when my 2nd grade innocence was permanently altered.

Time is an irreplaceable thing that I would give anything to have.  I can only dream of going back and spending time with him, especially listening to him sing.  When I sing, I can only pray that I attempt to emulate him and his natural ease.

My grandpa has never seen me on the stage.
My grandpa has never heard me sing.
Yet, my grandpa has been with me every time I've felt the heat of the spotlight on my skin.

It's true that a lot can happen in 8 years.
But what's even more true?
The fact that he's never once left my side.
I love you Grandpa
We will meet again.

The Bestest Feeling in the World

In approximately 6 minutes I am leaving to pick up someone I've missed more than dairy.
Literally.
Everybody has that one friend who always laughs with/at you, helps you pull off all kinds of nutty stunts, and never forgets those seemingly miniscule details about you.  My "friend" is Emily.  I say "friend" because she's so much more than that.  She's my confidant, my rebel partner, my nut, and my sister all in one.  She knows every one of my flaws and still decides to hang out with me, and it's been like 8 or more years now!
Most importantly though, she knows my problems, knows I'm not really as strong as I seem, and is ALWAYS there for me.  I mean ALWAYS.
I think that's why this year's been so different for me, seeing as how we've hardly hung out cause she's such an incredible dancer and my world revolves around theatre/choir.
But in 4 minutes, I am leaving to pick up my Emmy, Fat DJ, Waluigi, and Ur Hot Stuff.
And somehow I know that everything here on out is gonna be okay.

7 Eclectic Confessions

1.  This is one of my biggest fears, actually.  The imminent arrival of college and leaving.  I've always been a Minnesota girl, born and raised, and it freaks me out to think that in about two years that's all going to change.  However I do know that I'll always be back for 1 week of the summer to get back to my land of 10,000 lakes.

2.  I don't actually understand why people study geology.  I mean, I'm sorry but you're looking at a pile of rocks?  Fossils are for sure the bomb, but just plain rocks? I don't really care how old this mountain is unless I happen to be on it when it starts to crumble or something like that.

3.  I really enjoy this particular photo https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxxYbEYzv5azCxeStmigFD5oYNnIrPgpoz5zhNiLe2t8vq0ABvNw4rBNBusugnIuEEXZ1cZil5t2MU71wgW7ijrv3jz2iBvZEQHEoFYrHguX2nAMqmGsb0ckYcfni_0nb0IA6fzUIMYZj8/s1600/very_fluffy_bunny1.jpg   I mean COME ON NOW. Tell me that didn't just make you laugh a smidgen?

4.  I listen to specific artists in the morning when I'm getting ready for school.  Nothing slow or sad, it's gotta be upbeat to wake me up. Now for most normal teenagers that isn't a problem.  YEAH NOT TRUE FOR MY LIFE.  My dad and sister both SHARE an account with me, that means when shuffling my ipod you can go from Britney's "Piece of Me," to "TNT" by ACDC.  Not saying this hasn't helped to enhance my musical tastes, but it can be a real fight to get a solid jam set.

5.  I will most likely become a vegetarian because I cannot eat meat off a bone and I usually have to cover my meat with potatoes or bread.  Plus I'm still getting child-sized portions...

6.  In middle school, my dad banned me from using the phrase, "Just kidding!" because I apparently said it continually.  This has now resulted in my loss of the phrase, "Fail" because I apparently overuse that as well and he gets mad when I point out his mistakes.

7.  Mr. Lamphere put a smiley face around days that I didn't exercise in my sleep log...I'm not sure what he was trying to tell me but I will take the smiley face any day!  That or he's crazy and thought that was a sad face..or that I wrote yes...nah I'm gonna go with the logical option and assume he is cray-cray.

"And in the end, the love you take Is equal to the love you make" ~The End by The Beatles

Eclectic Inspirations-Black and White

 Things that have either been on my mind lately, or that I just found truly inspirational.  Hopefully you might enjoy them too!

7 Eclectic Confessions

1) My Inspiration Journal I've been working on is totally amazing. I love it so much. It's filled with anything that I find remotely inspirational, which is presently quotes, song lyrics, and a certain prayer I learned recently.

2) Apples. I think I've eaten more apples than any person on the face of the Earth should in the past week or so. I may have developed a new disease, Appleitis. Watch out world it could still be contagious.

3) I have an irrational fear of soup. There is not technical name for this, which I find slightly irritating, but oh well I can name it myself then! So I have... Soupolaphobia

4. I really want to name my guitar in my room that I have yet to learn how to play, but I can't decide its gender. Plus, I also hate spending a long time thinking about names, just GO WITH YOUR GUT. Those are the best named things anywhoo

5) I recently bought the greatest sippy cup ever. His name if Fauez which is Lebanese for something and he is 110 percent amazing.

6) I would never wish to read people's minds.

7) I think I meow like a cat too much. Other people are starting to do it now, and I want it to be known RIGHT HERE that I, BRIDGET K. MCNIFF, was the original meow-er.

Well, doo-dah-doo, life's good. Gonna ride out on some Neon Trees and probably rescue some pets with Barbie.

PS. IF ANYONE READS THIS, YOU SHOULD REALLY COME TO TARTUFFE TOMORROW AT 2 AT WHS. It's amazing, the cast has worked so diligently, and it's a truly wonderful and funny performance! We'd love to have you! Help us close out a truly unforgettable show!

Peace, love, and pixie dust

Song on a Saturday Afternoon

She stands there, small and strong

Laughing and joking,

got everybody singing along

Bet you'd never, yes

I bet you'd never guess

that there's something wrong

Cause when she gets home the walls crumble,

her perfect image is lost in the jumble

She tries to speak out, but unlike before

nobody here hears her voice over

the screams and roars

No, life it just ain't easy

but she never expected it to be

She'll never tell ya

doesn't want any sympathy

The only problem is that now

she's drowning in serenity

Always the rock, she'll answer any call

Miss 110 percent, they know she'll always give it her all

Loves her life, well most of the time

Lately it seems it's all been reason and

no rhyme

No life it just ain't easy

but she never asked it to be

She'll never tell ya doesn't want any sympathy

The only problem is that

now she's drowning in serenity

And now she's screaming as loud as she can

Everything's broken

Nothing's been spoken

It's all out of her hands

Her world is spinning while

everybody thinks she's still winning

But when she looks in the mirror all she sees

are imperfections and fears

So much noise

and still nobody hears

No life it just ain't easy

but she never expected it to be

She'll never tell ya that she's

drowning in serenity

Someday this will not control my life.

7 Eclectic Confessions ~

Deriving ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources ~ aka story of my life

1) I'm OBSESSED with my new room.

It has layers of personality, just like I think that I do! Zebra sheets, orchid walls...I mean actually now it sounds incredibly awkward here but I swear it looks amazing

2) I think Lady Gaga writes some of the most eccentric yet

remarkably touching and truthful lyrics ever.

Don't believe me? Check her new song, Born This Way: http://www.metrolyrics.com/born-this-way-lyrics-lady-gaga.html Soon to be released! "Sometimes I find my head spinning. Not because of alcohol, but because of my life." ~Lady Gaga

3) I'm starting to get excited about college.

I'm still panicking about the future, but a large part of me is preparing and feeling excited for what's to come!

4) I think Caribou's hot chocolate makes me crazier than normal.

It keeps me up way later than normal and gives me the strangest dreams...and yeah I know that most people drink some o' those coffee drinks, but no. Definitely not me. Coffee = disgust.

5) I'm pretty sure I was born in the wrong generation.

Yeah. I dunno but my old soul longs for the classier age! Don't get me wrong, I do love many things about the 21st century, but certain things I just miss about previous eras.

6) Someday I'm going to own a house in Grand Marais.

Grand Marais is literally my dream town. I won't live there permanently, but it will be my escape. From Ben Franklin and Sven and Ole's, to The Trading Post and Artist's Point, my soul is literally in heaven there. That week of my summer has never been beaten yet.

7) Lights. I love lights.

I love lights and I want them everywhere in my room. I've always had those glow stars on my ceiling, but I'm gonna get more to add up there so my universe will be complete! I also would really like some lanterns and twinkly lights to add. I wish my parents were cool with candles in my room, cause then I would totally have them but I kinda blew that option when I had a certain lamp incident as a child. Yeesh.

Well, if you read all 7 of these (my favorite number) you might have learned some stuff about me! These are all things on my mind tonight, and it seemed like fun to slap 'em on here. Happy Saturday...here's to an early Tartuffe rehearsal!

Here we Go

I think I just found my spring solo piano/voice piece

Bluebird by Sara Bareilles!

I adore her voice and this song just seems pretty reminiscent of my life..bahaha

AND who doesn't love birds? And the color blue? And birds that are blue?

Well those are the bee's knees.

Now I just gotta clear it and find another piece for Kasey and I...

Lemme know if anybody has any suggestions...

But in the meantime, check out Bluebird if you've never heard it

For those lazies out there, I'll post a link here

xoxo B

CLICK IT, YOU KNOW YOU WANNA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMba8vsep9I

Me and My Monkey

Do you ever wonder if what you do today will be important in the future?

I do.

Is it actually worth it for me to struggle through another late night? Manage relationships?

In the future will anyone remember me?

Or will I be like the memories of relatives I've lost?

Disappearing and fading so I only have bits and pieces of recollections left

It's not that I'm just afraid of the future, but I'm also terrified of being forgotten

To not have anyone care that I'm gone or missing as the world keeps on spinning

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't want to live my life by the day, but by the second

by the moment, by each breathe I take

Cause maybe in that brief elapse of time, I can do something worth remembering

Porcelain

I see you look at me

Wonder what you see

My dolled-up outer shell

or the girl in hell?

Cause what I see in you

I know's too good to be true

but I can't help but want you

even though you're looking through

Cause I'm porcelain

picture-perfect, made to fit in

Don't touch me, cause I'm fragile

and you don't want to break me

Because I'm made of porcelain

Well baby I got news for you

the girl you see is broken through

She bet it all, all on you and as you know

it's fallen through

I can't breathe, can't move

Everybody wants me to

But it's too late, I'm not for you

Where the hell is the glue?

Piece me up, back again

God forbid that I give in

Cause I'm made of porcelain

picture-perfect made to fit in

Don't touch me cause I'm fragile

and you don't wanna break me

Because I'm porcelain

So, set me back on the shelf

you really shouldn't blame yourself

You're not the first, won't be the last

My future is what was my past

Ceramic, cold, but beautiful

True I can be a handful

So I'll wait here, collect the dust

while my porcelain heart begins to rust

1/13/11