A Very Lucky Girl

"The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, thats guaranteed, and I can't begin to explain that, or the craziness inside myself and everybody else but guess what? Sunday is my favorite day again. I think of everything everyone did for me and I feel like a very lucky guy." ~ Silver Linings Playbook

So here I am sitting in a hotel in Chicago, on a Sunday...and I'm thinking of everything everyone did for me and feeling like a very lucky girl.  

No but seriously.

Tomorrow, I will be walking into a room of people who are there to judge me and basically determine my future. They have time to watch me perform monologues and they have an accompanist to play music for me to sing to.  They have a list of shows I've been in, roles I've played, and songs I've sung.  But they don't have my experiences.

I think that's what I'm trying to really get at in this post; the profound gratitude that I have for everyone that has helped me get to this point in my life.  Although it's safe to say that I have no idea what's going to happen, or where I'll end up, I can say with great certainty that I wouldn't be in this position without the multitudes of amazing people that I have been blessed to know in my life.  From relationships on the stage, to the amazing support that I've received from family and friends, I know I wouldn't be half the person I am today if I hadn't had these experiences.  

SO...

Thank you to the amazing directors that I have worked with; who have pushed, guided, challenged, loved, and encouraged me.  Without your opportunities and encouragement, I would never have grown as an actor or person.  
Thank you to the casts and crews of all 18 shows that I have been apart of.  You have all affected me in innumerable ways, and for that I am infinitely grateful.  Working with some of the most talented minds and compassionate hearts has truly changed my life.  Each production has supplied its own contribution, and each person involved has played a leading role.  So thank you all, for your love of art and constant inspiration.  
Thank you to anyone who has ever doubted me.  It seems cynical, but without your choice to challenge me, I wouldn't always feel the need to work as hard as I have.  And without that drive, I wouldn't be who I am presently, and I have you to thank for that.  
And finally, thanks to my family.  From putting up with the toddler that couldn't stop talking, singing, and performing, to supporting the teenager with countless shows to attend, I know that it has been your love and support that has truly brought me this far.  You never let the doubts of others deter your faith in me, and I love you so much for that.

It's safe to say that with all of these amazing people in my life, and the unforgettable experiences both on and off the stage, I wouldn't be able to walk into that room tomorrow and put myself on the line.  But because of each and every one of you, I can.
So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

~ A very lucky girl

I promise I'm not a major public ranter-er...

But this post is a moderately emotional rant.
There.
I have warned you, my intention is clear, and you can either proceed with caution or vacate my blog.


Yesterday my parents drove my sister and I out to Fort Snelling National Cemetery to view my grandma's resting place for the first time since this January; and as we drove through the usual rows and rows of headstones, I felt my heart growing heavier and heavier.  As we filled our flower holders with water, and walked the grassy expanse towards the graves I have visited since the second grade, I felt my composure begin to break.  And when I saw the tiny sprigs of grass beginning to grow over the hole where my dearest relative is now buried, I began to sob.
 It is incomprehensible for me to understand how I have been visiting this place for 9 years now, to lay flowers at the resting places of those I either remember fleetingly, in childhood memories and rationalizations, or one that I consider to be one of my best friends.
It is incomprehensible for me to explain to people how broken I feel out there, standing over the fresh earth that covers my grandma and brushing the stony placards that serve as fleeting reminders to my grandfathers.
It is, therefore, incomprehensible to me how people can turn and look at me and say,
"God, I wish they didn't even come to my shows, they are so embarrassing!"
or,
"I hate having to talk to my grandparents, it's so awkward!"
You have no idea how much I envy you.


I would give ANYTHING to have my grandparents back; to be able to talk to my grandfathers, ask if they are proud of the woman I'm becoming or if they've been able to see me perform; or to just have my grandma hold me and tell me that she forgives me for not singing for her as much as she asked, but how grateful she is that I sang for her at her service. I can only hope that I am making them proud, as I kneel and pray that they stay with me each evening as I fall asleep.  I would give anything for even a moment with them.  


And yet, there you are, expecting me to laugh alongside you, and look with disappointment at people who love you more than you will ever know.  No, I don't know your family's circumstances; no, I don't know how close you are; and no, I don't pretend to be the perfect person.  But every time you scorn these people it makes me sick.


I don't pretend to have all the answers, and I'm not saying I was the perfect grandchild either.  But take it from a girl who has had death in her life since elementary school, you will regret every one of those instances as soon as you get that phone call.  Don't wait until Memorial Day to appreciate those people in your life.  Don't pass up those trips to visit, don't forgo the opportunity to sit by them at dinner, and don't ever forget to tell them that you love them.  Because one day you will wake up, whether it be when you are in high school or as an adult, and you will find them gone.  And you will remain, with only the millions of things you wish that you could have done or said.

O Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side.

The summer's gone and all the roses falling;

It's you, it's you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow,

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow.

Yes, I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow;

Oh Danny Boy, oh Danny Boy, I love you so!

But when ye come, and all the flow'rs are dying,

If I am dead, as dead I well may be.

Ye'll come and find the place where I am lying,

And kneel and say an Ave there for me.

And I shall hear, though soft you tread above me;

And oh my grave will warmer, sweeter be,

For you will bend and tell me that you love me;

And I shall sleep in peace until you come to me!

I love you Grandpa Cyril, Grandpa Myles, and Grandma Helen.  I know that we will meet again, and I want you to know that you are always in my heart.

My Mentality: In Snapshots

Because a picture's worth a thousand words, right?

Anyway, things that are on my mind lately in photographic format

Call me...

Call me "emotional..."
But I'd rather feel.  I love love.  I love realizing how grateful I am for the people in my life, or the music I sing, or the moments that occur on the stage.  I would rather love with passion and end up with a broken heart, than feel regular or empty forever.  Sure, there's a price for everything, but I would never sacrifice my ability to love for anything.

Call me "liberal..."
But I prefer open-minded.  I believe every political or religious belief has its own accuracy.  How can I judge someone based on a faith I know next to nothing about? More than impossible, it's simply wrong.  If people could just take the time to sit down and listen to each other with a moderate level of respect, our society would be in a whole heck of a lot better shape.

Call me "hopeless romantic..."
But I don't think there's anything wrong with having aspirations.  I'm not saying I would expect crazy signs of affection 24-7 (creepy) but what's the problem with expecting to be treated right?  And I'm also not saying that it shouldn't be reciprocal.  Relationships require give and take, and saying that only boys should go the extra step is wrong.  This is not the 1950s people, we can ALL share love and caring with any and everyone.

Call me "dreamer..."
But if I didn't have goals, (however unrealistic mine are) I'd be going nowhere.  Having dreams inspires you to work for the future, or even that next audition.  And where would be as society, if people didn't allow themselves to have aspirations and hopes?? Great minds, artists, and leaders would never have made the impact that they did.  Our society would be bland, simple, and utterly lacking.  The world needs dreamers and I'm proud to be one.

Call me "artistic..."
But I beg to differ.  I'm still drawing stick figures! But in reality, I understand why people consider me to be artsy.  I spend a minimum of 3 hours a day either rehearsing for a show, practicing music, or both!  I love what I do.  There's nothing better than the first moment the stage lights hit your skin or when you hit "that note" during your piece.  Everyone should pursue their passion, and mine happens to involve the arts.  Calling me artistic would certainly be accurate, but it's definitely not something I'm ashamed of, nor does it entirely describe me either.

Call me Bridget.


Love.

Pathetic Ramblings

Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 
~When Harry Met Sally


Allie: Do you think our love, can take us away together?
Duke: I think our love can do anything we want it to.
Allie: I love you.
Duke: I love you, Allie.
Allie: Good night.
Duke: Good night. I'll be seeing you. 
~The Notebook


Kathy Selden: Now look, Miss Lamont, Don and I...
Lina Lamont: Don? Don't you *dare* call him Don! I was calling him Don before you were born! I mean... You-you were kissing him!
Don Lockwood: *I* was kissing *her*! I happen to be in love with her. 
~Singin' in the Rain


Tony: You're not thinking I'm someone else?
Maria: I know you are not.
Tony: Or that we've met before?
Maria: I know we have not.
Tony: I felt, I knew something never before was going to happen, had to happen. But this is so much more.
Maria: My hands are cold.
[he takes them in his]
Maria: Yours too.
[he moves them to his face]
Maria: So warm.
[she moves his to hers]
Tony: So beautiful.
Maria: Beautiful.
Tony: It's so much to believe. You're not making a joke?
Maria: I have not yet learned how to joke that way. I think now I never will. 
~West Side Story


Mary: [embracing George] Remember the night we broke the windows in this old house? This is what I wished for.
George Bailey: [softly] You're wonderful... wonderful. 
~It's A Wonderful Life


Can this happen in my life?

My Life Begins in T-Minus 2 Days

About 48 hours. Those 48 long and exhausting hours are the only things keeping me from the greatest week of my life. 

I could punch them.

But seriously, this is McNiff family "crunch-time." I'm supposed to be packed by tonight (..riiiight.) and helping shop, cook,  and clean our house before our departure Wednesday morning. As usual, we have managed to put off these tedious chores until the last minute, and its all we can do to keep my mom from slapping the PANIC button every couple minutes.

But it will be worth it.

Every time I find myself scrubbing out a toilet or discover my arms are elbow-deep in dishwater, I remember : Popple House, Temperance River, Blue Water Cafe, The Ben Franklin, Artist's Point.

When my head hurts from the odiferous fumes of disinfectant or when I'm completely buried under an avalanche of laundy I remind myself of :

The Angry Trout, Sven and Ole's, The General Store, Oberg Mountain.

There is absolutely positively no place that I love more than up north.

True, it's not always perfect : Sharing a bed with your sister for more than a week, Going on ridiculously long and arduous hikes, Being LIED to by the demon of a book Nina's North Shore Guide, or getting lost in Canada, but somehow I look back on even the worst of those memories and find some tiny piece of it that was enjoyable.

I couldn't explain it to you, but its the most magical place on earth. 

And I will be on my way there in less than 48 hours.

In the meantime? Pray for me.

:)

HERE IT IS!!!
Yes, I know this is remarkably late, but on the bright side, some of these activities have been completed!!
Lemme know if you want to be apart of/take part in, any of my list activities!!

Summer ‘11
To Do List

~ Ice Cream Slide
~ Zoo (x2...or more)
~ Unplanned Road Trip (s)
~ Buy a Pet
~ Watch Sunrise on Beach
~ Drive-in Movie
~ Skinny-dipping
~ Awkwardly Early Breakfast at Perkins
~ Build Indoor Tent and Sleep in it!
~ Leave Presents on People’s Doorsteps (Summer Santa?)
~ Midnight Premiere of HP 7
~ Make Sidewalk Chalk Mural..I'd accept just plain old chalk drawings
~ Watch a Scary Movie
~ Time Capsule
~ Take Pictures in Photo Booth
~ Have a Pillow Fight where feathers ACTUALLY fly out
~ Make and Eat Phineas and Ferb Mac n’ Cheese
~ Run through Different Sprinklers
~ Cover Something in Sticky Notes
~ Travel Scavenger Hunt
~ State Fair DAY with Mari and Allison then BTR
~ Say YES Al l Day
~ Princess Diaries Paint Splatter
~ Say BYE BYE to meat!
~ Thrift Store Shopping
~ Find Summer Song
~ Disney Movie Marathon